Do You Have CIAS?

So I was talking to my Canadian friend today about how I might sometimes come across as snotty to Americans because I get a bit defensive living in the US. She reassured me: "Dude you're not snotty, you have that newly arrived Canadian in the US thing going on. It will pass, trust me."

We're suggesting a new category be added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM): Canadians in America Syndrome (CIAS).

Description:
Newly arrived Canadians in the US have a tendency to be very ego protecting. This includes symptoms like:

- Unneccesary discussion of universal health care
- Gratefulness for taxes, speaking ad nauseum about the wonderful things you get from paying taxes
- Mentioning having never seen a medical bill before in your entire life to everyone you come in contact with
- Repeated comparisons of grocery stores and the prices of fast food vs. produce in each country
- Pointing out every Canadian actor and musician as they appear in TV or film to your American friends
- Casually working the "calibre of your education compared to Americans" into conversations
- Remarking upon the lack of Canadian content in American TV and music
- Discussing the differences between portion sizes in Canada and America in restaurants
- Discovering Canadians had accents upon returning home
- Discuss the superiority of Tim Horton's coffee with your friends when drinking any brand of American coffee
- Constantly flash Canadian money in front of Americans and remark a) how pretty it is; b) how you cannot tell denominations of American money apart
- Go out of your way to watch Canadian media i.e., download CBC podcasts
- Constantly mention returning to Canada as if you will only be staying temporarily
- Constantly pointing out the Canadian ways of saying things and refuse to change, i.e., saying 'touque' and refusing to say 'hat'
- Writing all reports using Canadian spelling
- Throw in the parliamentary system into casual conversation and then when Americans admit they don't understand it, you explain it to them and act like it's better
- Saying any of the following:
"Well, we have ketchup chips. They're good"
"Oh my favourite chocolate bar is an AERO. You don't have them here"
"Oh you call this soda? We call this pop. Soda sounds so 1950s"
"Oh, you call those Smarties? In Canada Smarties are chocolate. We call these Rockets."


Signs of Recovery:
- Acknowledgement that there are benefits to private health insurance and wish that there was some middle ground
- Cessation of automatically adding tax to your purchases
- Preference for American brands of some foods
- Appreciation for the lower cost of living even though the lack of taxes = no social support
- Assimilate your language to avoid comments/undue attention i.e., saying 'zee' instead of 'zed'
- Begin to bitch about Canadian airfare and how ridiculous rates are to fly over the border
- Realize that prices in the US are cheaper, especially jeans, and refuse to buy things in Canada
- Move from outrage that you have to have insurance to grateful that you have it through the university

If you or someone else you care about is experiencing symptoms of CIAS, please know that there is hope. For the vast majority of Canadians living in the US, symptoms tend to dissipate within 6 months to three years.