The Joy and Horror of Christmas

Going home was quite the adventure this year. Among the highlights:

- White Cowbell Oklahoma concert
- Getting pulled over in Toronto with Eric for making a right-hand turn at a 4-way stop (bunch of savages in that town)
- Rear-ending someone's brand new car in Etobicoke (the crash summarizes my cmas break on a metaphorical level)
- Finding out my eyes had "melted" a little bit from an eye doctor
- Hearing that my grandpa had a mistress who "probably" has his violin according to my uncle
- Engaged in two separate, ridiculous, and unrelated feuds with my grandma
- Having a cold throughout most of this

There is so much more but it's unbloggable. I will share some topics that were discussed over cmas dinner by my family...and only my family:

- Jamaican gun crime
- My mom's plan to get dental work completed in a drug-infested Mexican border town
- Lost, stolen, or broken family heirlooms
- Hitler
- The death of several family members and how there has never been laughter since nor will there ever be
- Casual mention of an impending death (Seriously. While we're eating. And grandma thought we all knew. We didn't.)
- Biscotti

Most of my family had fights with each other multiple times over the 11 days I was home. But somehow we pulled it together to have a normal evening together opening presents, laughing, and even singing cmas carols while I played the piano. We may have even liked each other for awhile. And I suppose that made all the crying, shouting, crashing, melting, and feuding worth it...But I still wouldn't want to do this more than once a year.

"Holiday"

As JTL stated, no one is probably reading this blog over the holidays, if ever again. However, I thought I would provide an update. As per, the trip home as been fraught with calamity. For those of you who don't know, my mother decided to cancel the cable, internet, and PHONE during our visit home to 'save money.' So instead of paying $44 for a land line for a month, we have collectively spent over $300 on cell phone fees...

I've been extremely busy, more than I am in Chicago ironically, so I haven't gotten a chance to spend as much time as I would have liked with friends. Here are some of the highlights of my trip that have kept me so busy:

* Family feud due to insensitive and inopportune remarks over my busy life
* Family feud due to gratuitous use of racial slurs over Christmas morning breakfast
* Grandma's knee surgery (she's fine now)
* Driving in 3 blizzards without snow tires
* Desperate attempts at getting a loan (postponed until April now, thanks Scotiadinks)
* Eating 2 apple pies by myself
* Watching House and Twilight Zone
* Working for my boss
* Testing unsuspecting friends for my research project (thanks all those who participated against their will)
* Getting involved in a trashy bar brawl in Grimsby while wearing snake skin boots (please ask me about this in person)

I hate new years but I hope your night won't be painful. I say good riddance 2008. Text me (sparingly, I have a pay as you go plan) if you want to hang out.