Saturday, September 19, 2009
I'm All Grown Up
I am being audited. Only for tuition-related expenses so it's more of a mini-audit. The government wants proof of my outrageous tuition claims. But really, who could really blame them? Sometimes *I* don't believe it. I feel so grown up now...but not in a good way.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
People of Walmart
I've always maintained that the majority of people who shop at Walmart do so while wearing jogging pants and other trashy atire. Apparently the creators of http://peopleofwalmart.com/ noticed too. This site is incredible, check it out.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Housematey Reunion
I'm too lazy to update the rest of my trip home but it involved congratulating Dr. Eric on successfully defending his thesis, waiting to be blown away by a tornado with Marc while sipping wine, and playing Nintendo with Gino.
When I got back to Chi-town the housemateys invaded for a 5-day whirlwind adventure. One of the many highlights was our visit to American Girl. This store is beyond creepy. Children pick out a doll that is dressed according to some time period. For example, there is a black doll from 1814 who comes with costumes and accessories from the time period including an information card. That particular one made no mention of slavery FYI, just that "the north and south were divided."
We were total assholes in this store, taking photos of the ridiculousness including Rachel posing infront of a gigantic star holding a book called, "Am I Normal?"
This card says "Dark skin, textured black hair boy." Even though the light-skinned dolls got 4 pages in the catalogue, dark skinned dolls only get one:
Matching clothes for you and your doll!
Tell your story! With a doll that looks like you! Your moment is now! Vague meaningless catch phrase!
Professional photo studio for you and your doll:
Randomly crippled doll:
Doll *hospital* where staff are actually wearing scrubs:
Hair dressers to style your doll's hair:
It's way too easy to make fun of this. It was a sign infront of a church:
When I got back to Chi-town the housemateys invaded for a 5-day whirlwind adventure. One of the many highlights was our visit to American Girl. This store is beyond creepy. Children pick out a doll that is dressed according to some time period. For example, there is a black doll from 1814 who comes with costumes and accessories from the time period including an information card. That particular one made no mention of slavery FYI, just that "the north and south were divided."
We were total assholes in this store, taking photos of the ridiculousness including Rachel posing infront of a gigantic star holding a book called, "Am I Normal?"
This card says "Dark skin, textured black hair boy." Even though the light-skinned dolls got 4 pages in the catalogue, dark skinned dolls only get one:
Matching clothes for you and your doll!
Tell your story! With a doll that looks like you! Your moment is now! Vague meaningless catch phrase!
Professional photo studio for you and your doll:
Randomly crippled doll:
Doll *hospital* where staff are actually wearing scrubs:
Hair dressers to style your doll's hair:
It's way too easy to make fun of this. It was a sign infront of a church:
Monday, August 24, 2009
OMGIHATECROSSINGTHEBORDER
I am back in Chicago after a painful and lengthy 12 hour drive. Things went smoothly until we crossed the border into Detroit. Although we made it across the border with no problems, shortly afterwards my mom realized she left her wallet on the roof of the car after filling up at a Windsor gas station. After looking backward at the stretch of road behind us and seeing nothing, we turned around and headed back to Canada.
No one had seen the wallet at the gas station and we didn't see it on the road. However, Sam, the gas station attendant was very friendly and let my mom use his cell phone to cancel her credit/debit cards. While she did so, I heard his life story which includes being born in Lebanon, moving to Russia, speaking 4 languages (Arabic, Russian, French, English), and discovering his car on fire 2 days ago. He heard my life story which included speaking horrible French, going to grad school in the states, and being Ukrainian. He then told me that Ukrainian women were the most beautiful women in the world. Sam is a charmer.
Back at the border, the border dicks (BD) were having a training day. This meant being overly thorough by asking me way too many questions, ransacking my car, and pulling me over. They were displeased that I didn't declare the cooked chicken, lactose-free milk, and packaged baby carrots in my cooler (these are classic signs of an incognito terrorist). They also said I needed a stamp on my immigration papers. That's actually not true, which I told them, but they didn't listen to me.
One BD told me to get out of the car and go inside. As I walked away he said in a slow, irritated baby voice: "You didn't listen to me. I said to TAKE YOUR WALLET AND LEAVE YOUR PURSE IN THE CAR." My mom started telling him her sob story about the lost wallet and I cut her off by saying, "Mom, he doesn't care, let's just go." He took great offense to this and literally yelled after me: "WE DON'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU YOUR SEVIS YOU KNOW." (A SEVIS is a form that lets you into the country).
This is incorrect seeing as how I already have a SEVIS form and I'm pretty sure they can't deny me entry to the states because he thinks I was giving him 'tude. Anyway, once inside, another BD looked at my paperwork and told me they didn't have to pull me over because my form was already stamped.. However, since I was there anyway, he might as well process my forms and rummage through my file. Which took 1/2 an hour. While I was waiting, our passports were passed around to various BDs who were bored and had nothing better to do. They remarked about my mom's bday ("Born on Christmas Day huh?" Thanks for reminding her.) and then told me Chicago was a day and a half drive away (even though it's a few hours away).
From then on we had bumper-to-bumper traffic all the way to Chicago. Then we got trapped on Lake Shore Drive (in Chicago) where they closed a lane of traffic and it was almost at a stand still. We crawled into my apartment 12 hours after we left. My mom asked for a rye and coke and when I told her I didn't have any, she looked like she was going to cry.
The End.
No one had seen the wallet at the gas station and we didn't see it on the road. However, Sam, the gas station attendant was very friendly and let my mom use his cell phone to cancel her credit/debit cards. While she did so, I heard his life story which includes being born in Lebanon, moving to Russia, speaking 4 languages (Arabic, Russian, French, English), and discovering his car on fire 2 days ago. He heard my life story which included speaking horrible French, going to grad school in the states, and being Ukrainian. He then told me that Ukrainian women were the most beautiful women in the world. Sam is a charmer.
Back at the border, the border dicks (BD) were having a training day. This meant being overly thorough by asking me way too many questions, ransacking my car, and pulling me over. They were displeased that I didn't declare the cooked chicken, lactose-free milk, and packaged baby carrots in my cooler (these are classic signs of an incognito terrorist). They also said I needed a stamp on my immigration papers. That's actually not true, which I told them, but they didn't listen to me.
One BD told me to get out of the car and go inside. As I walked away he said in a slow, irritated baby voice: "You didn't listen to me. I said to TAKE YOUR WALLET AND LEAVE YOUR PURSE IN THE CAR." My mom started telling him her sob story about the lost wallet and I cut her off by saying, "Mom, he doesn't care, let's just go." He took great offense to this and literally yelled after me: "WE DON'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU YOUR SEVIS YOU KNOW." (A SEVIS is a form that lets you into the country).
This is incorrect seeing as how I already have a SEVIS form and I'm pretty sure they can't deny me entry to the states because he thinks I was giving him 'tude. Anyway, once inside, another BD looked at my paperwork and told me they didn't have to pull me over because my form was already stamped.. However, since I was there anyway, he might as well process my forms and rummage through my file. Which took 1/2 an hour. While I was waiting, our passports were passed around to various BDs who were bored and had nothing better to do. They remarked about my mom's bday ("Born on Christmas Day huh?" Thanks for reminding her.) and then told me Chicago was a day and a half drive away (even though it's a few hours away).
From then on we had bumper-to-bumper traffic all the way to Chicago. Then we got trapped on Lake Shore Drive (in Chicago) where they closed a lane of traffic and it was almost at a stand still. We crawled into my apartment 12 hours after we left. My mom asked for a rye and coke and when I told her I didn't have any, she looked like she was going to cry.
The End.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Return to Canada
After 8 long months away from home I finally arrived in St. Catharines. Things have been hectic and busy as usual. I'll give you the highlights as they happen.
DAY 1
After a busy day of frantic banking I headed over to Sylvia's for dinner and a game of badminton. The net we set up was ridiculous - the poles leaned in so the net was about 3 feet off the ground:
It was still wickedfun. We finished off the night by sipping Timmy's coffee while watching Single White Female - that bitch is crazy!
DAY 2
I went to the dentist for what I thought was going to be a filling. Turns out I didn't have a cavity. What I did have was tooth damage due to grinding my teeth at night which had to be fixed. Also, I unexpectedly had to get a wisdom tooth removed that I didn't know I had. Fun!
So, I spent the remainder of my morning clotting, then visited my niece and nephew. I finished my evening drinking wine and watching Boston Legal with mom. Oh, and then I noticed I had split my pants :( I'm apprehensive of what tomorrow will bring...
WEEKEND
After twisting my ankle playing tennis Gino and I watched A Clockwork Orange. Definitely a movie I'll have to watch again as I was mildly confused by the lack of clocks and oranges in the film in addition to the slang.
As per our tradition, my grandparents, mom, and I saw a play at the Shaw Theatre. We saw "Born Yesterday" which was written after WWII yet is highly relevent today. It is a humourous commentary on the corruption of American politics and how senators are bought by rich businessmen. I thought of Keith Olbermann's rant about healthcare in the states. Creepy story: As we were leaving I noticed an asian tourist partially hidden in some trees a little ways away from me as I was walking to the car. He was taking pictures of my family and I. I gave him a death stare but he literally just inched further and further away still taking pictures. Then he got onto his tourbus and drove away.
After scoring a free dinner at Jay's parents' house which included purple potatoes, June and I wandered all over Toronto catching up. Funny picture pending. I polished my night off by brushing my teeth with a Q-tip because I forgot my toothbrush at home :( My teeth feel remarkably fresh.
DAY 1
After a busy day of frantic banking I headed over to Sylvia's for dinner and a game of badminton. The net we set up was ridiculous - the poles leaned in so the net was about 3 feet off the ground:
It was still wickedfun. We finished off the night by sipping Timmy's coffee while watching Single White Female - that bitch is crazy!
DAY 2
I went to the dentist for what I thought was going to be a filling. Turns out I didn't have a cavity. What I did have was tooth damage due to grinding my teeth at night which had to be fixed. Also, I unexpectedly had to get a wisdom tooth removed that I didn't know I had. Fun!
So, I spent the remainder of my morning clotting, then visited my niece and nephew. I finished my evening drinking wine and watching Boston Legal with mom. Oh, and then I noticed I had split my pants :( I'm apprehensive of what tomorrow will bring...
WEEKEND
After twisting my ankle playing tennis Gino and I watched A Clockwork Orange. Definitely a movie I'll have to watch again as I was mildly confused by the lack of clocks and oranges in the film in addition to the slang.
As per our tradition, my grandparents, mom, and I saw a play at the Shaw Theatre. We saw "Born Yesterday" which was written after WWII yet is highly relevent today. It is a humourous commentary on the corruption of American politics and how senators are bought by rich businessmen. I thought of Keith Olbermann's rant about healthcare in the states. Creepy story: As we were leaving I noticed an asian tourist partially hidden in some trees a little ways away from me as I was walking to the car. He was taking pictures of my family and I. I gave him a death stare but he literally just inched further and further away still taking pictures. Then he got onto his tourbus and drove away.
After scoring a free dinner at Jay's parents' house which included purple potatoes, June and I wandered all over Toronto catching up. Funny picture pending. I polished my night off by brushing my teeth with a Q-tip because I forgot my toothbrush at home :( My teeth feel remarkably fresh.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Coming Home (Finally)
After being away for 200 kajillion years I am finally coming home August 12-23. While I'm home I'll be making stops in St. Catharines, Toronto, and London.
August 11-16 = St. Catharines
August 16-18 = Toronto
August 18-19 = London
August 19-23 = ???
August 23-??? = Chicago
August 11-16 = St. Catharines
August 16-18 = Toronto
August 18-19 = London
August 19-23 = ???
August 23-??? = Chicago
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Epic Fail
My friends Christine and Mike are here visiting and I really wanted to show them a good time. Unfortunately, few things have been going our way since they arrived. Despite Chicago's best attempt to ruin this trip, we have managed to have lots of fun. Here is a summary of our adventure so far:
DAY 1
Day 1 was supposed to begin with a tour of Frank Lloyd Wright's house but we didn't order tickets in advance so we couldn't go. Fortunately, the day was still productive. I showed them the 1920s ballroom that was converted into a parking garage:
Then we saw Buckingham Fountain which is featured in the opening credits of Married with Children. Although the guide book said there was a water show every hour on the hour, it didn't happen while we were there :(
Further up the road we saw "The Bean" which apparently cost the city of Chicago $23 million. As Creed from The Office would say, "That freaked my bean."
At night, we tried to go to a bar for Trivia Night. Turns out the internet lied and it was 80s night instead. By the time we made it to a bar that actually had trivia night we arrived too late to participate. By this point my shoes, which ordinarily are quite comfy, gave me a massive blister. We regrouped at my place, got new shoes, and ended up having a great night at the Goose Island Brewery with Mike's friends.
DAY 2
Today was also challenging. I tried to take Christine and Mike to my favourite brunch place, Orange. We walked all the way there and found out it was closed for renovations. Then we took a bus to another brunch place and it was also closed. Finally, we went to a Swedish restaurant and ate waaaay too much food including scrumptious Swedish pancakes. With our bellies full of Lingonberries, we schlepped home and took a nap.
Upon wakening, we went to the zoo. This monkey (bad picture, I know) was putting on a show for the kiddies. At one point he hung from a vine and pressed himself against the glass. He paused, then peed all over the window right in front of us. Just streaming down all over the glass.
After the zoo, Christine wanted to see some medieval art so I says to her, I says, "No problem, we'll go to the Art Institute, they have tons of medieval art." We get there and were informed they recently put most of their medieval art away in storage. Later on while we were wandering around the museum we found a sign that said, "Medieval art exhibit: coming soon!"
The rest of the gallery was awesome though. I have a little-known fascination with obscenely and unnecessarily ornate and decorative furniture and time pieces from days of yore. This clock from the 18th century is something my grandmother would have put in her home, flanked by her crushed velvet portraits of bullfighters:
Our night concluded with a rousing game of Klax. Exhausted, it's time for bed. To be continued...
DAY 1
Day 1 was supposed to begin with a tour of Frank Lloyd Wright's house but we didn't order tickets in advance so we couldn't go. Fortunately, the day was still productive. I showed them the 1920s ballroom that was converted into a parking garage:
Then we saw Buckingham Fountain which is featured in the opening credits of Married with Children. Although the guide book said there was a water show every hour on the hour, it didn't happen while we were there :(
Further up the road we saw "The Bean" which apparently cost the city of Chicago $23 million. As Creed from The Office would say, "That freaked my bean."
At night, we tried to go to a bar for Trivia Night. Turns out the internet lied and it was 80s night instead. By the time we made it to a bar that actually had trivia night we arrived too late to participate. By this point my shoes, which ordinarily are quite comfy, gave me a massive blister. We regrouped at my place, got new shoes, and ended up having a great night at the Goose Island Brewery with Mike's friends.
DAY 2
Today was also challenging. I tried to take Christine and Mike to my favourite brunch place, Orange. We walked all the way there and found out it was closed for renovations. Then we took a bus to another brunch place and it was also closed. Finally, we went to a Swedish restaurant and ate waaaay too much food including scrumptious Swedish pancakes. With our bellies full of Lingonberries, we schlepped home and took a nap.
Upon wakening, we went to the zoo. This monkey (bad picture, I know) was putting on a show for the kiddies. At one point he hung from a vine and pressed himself against the glass. He paused, then peed all over the window right in front of us. Just streaming down all over the glass.
After the zoo, Christine wanted to see some medieval art so I says to her, I says, "No problem, we'll go to the Art Institute, they have tons of medieval art." We get there and were informed they recently put most of their medieval art away in storage. Later on while we were wandering around the museum we found a sign that said, "Medieval art exhibit: coming soon!"
The rest of the gallery was awesome though. I have a little-known fascination with obscenely and unnecessarily ornate and decorative furniture and time pieces from days of yore. This clock from the 18th century is something my grandmother would have put in her home, flanked by her crushed velvet portraits of bullfighters:
Our night concluded with a rousing game of Klax. Exhausted, it's time for bed. To be continued...
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