Update

Rest assured, when I get back to Chicago I will post an "after" photo showing how well my behavioural modification plan turned out for my dishes. Feel the suspense!

In the meantime I am presently languishing at my mother's house dying of food poisoning. I ate a rotten omlette in the Midway airport before I flew to Buffalo and haven't been the same since. I can't go anywhere or do anything. Fortunately my mom was around to take care of me...until she gave herself food poisoning by eating 9 day old leftovers. So now we're both sick, stuck on the couch watching episode after episode of Criminal Minds.

We tried to make a list of foods we can eat without making us sick (it's a short list). Actual conversation:

Me: "Ok what about pickles?"
Mom: "I've got some Klassen's upstairs in the fridge."
Me: "Will pickles destroy my stomach?"
Mom: "I don't know, it's a good pickle."

Comps

For the past 2 months I've been working on my comprehensive exam which is a medieval torture device used by graduate institutions. It has been nothing short of ridiculously time consuming and aggravating but I finally submitted the written portion today. I now have at least two weeks to prepare for my oral defence which means I am constructing the Binder of Champions. This includes articles, book segments, and testing instrument manuals that I cite to justify my diagnosis and methods of assessment. I bring this in the defence with me and use it to shield my body from scary questions.

To give you a visual of how busy/chaotic my life has been I'm posting a few photos of the comps bomb that went off in my apartment. For those of you who have lived with me (sorry) you're already used to the carnage so this shouldn't be surprising. However, I'd like to think I've gotten better over the years. Apparently I easily slip into my old habits...

A Day in the Life

So much of my life is unfortunately unbloggable. However, I can share one ridiculous day when I couldn't stop asking myself a la Office Space, "Is today the worst day of your life?" I actually did this to myself.

Set up:

I keep all of my pills on top of my fridge in an attempt to be organized. I always take pills at night.

What happened:

I got up really early (5:30am) to get ready for my day. I was very groggy and when I opened my blinds the sun wasn't up yet. I remember thinking, "It seems like it's night right now." Somehow in my confusion I thought it was time for bed (I don't get much sleep these days...), so I started taking out the pills I usually take at night. As I shuffled around I felt a pill under my foot - it was a stray Benadryl that fell out of its package. When I picked it up I reflexively put it in my mouth and swallowed it.

The second the pill went down my throat I said out loud, "Oh my god." Benadryl, if you don't know, makes you very drowsy. Not only did I have class that day for 3 hours, but I also had to see a patient for an assessment. I finally realized what time it actually was and panic set in.

My first thought was to throw it up. I rarely ever barf and it's only after writhing around in pain for hours. But I couldn't bail on my patient. So I pulled up my big girl panties, tied my hair back, and marched into the bathroom. If you've ever tried to make yourself throw up you'll know that sticking your fingers down your throat is one of the most disgusting things you can do. It took me several attempts just to get my fingers far enough to make me gag. And gag I did. Tears welled up in my eyes. But nothing. Just some weak retching and pouting. This wasn't going to work.

Next, I brewed the strongest cup of coffee known to man and chugged it. I figured if I kept drinking coffee all day I'd be fine. When I got to class I told my friend to hit me if I started falling asleep in class and got more coffee. I managed to make it through the rest of the day with only mild shakes from obscene amounts of coffee. I think the fear of falling asleep was enough to keep me alert. My patient got tested, I made it home, and I survived. *shame*

Post script:

The Benadryl has been moved to my pantry where I can't accidentally eat it in the morning. The end.

I'm a Girl You Know

Today in class we had to do a role play. Since we're all chicks in the class, some chicks had to be dudes in a family therapy exercise. I was assigned the role of Sister and some other chick was Brother.

Although our roles were assigned, the facilitator of the exercise kept refering to me as the brother and directing all brother-related questions toward me. After reminding her no less than three times that I was the Sister, she finally said, "Well, I guess I keep thinking you're a man because you're so tall."

Self-esteem? Soar-ing!

My Morning

This morning I walked in the rain to catch my bus. Since it was rush hour naturally there were no buses. Three eventually came but were so full I couldn't get on. I got soaked from the rain because umbrella was turned inside out repeatedly because of the wind. I finally got on the bus and arrived downtown only to slip on the wet marble floor in the atrium of my school. I fell. Hard. My stick limbs flailed about wildly trying in vain to save myself. I landed on my stomach ontop of my laptop, lunch, and iPod. A crowd gathered. I picked up my smooshed dignity and lunch off the floor and made it to the elevator to sit through five hours of useless class. How's your day going?

*poof*

*poof*

Today

Things are pretty boring around here as the semester winds down. For example, here is what I have in store today:

10:30am - TB test
11:30am - Drug screen (urine)
3:45pm - Teach a parenting class
4:30pm - Had a conversation with a prostitute
6:00pm - Present a personality assessment I did on myself

You know. The usual.

Life As A Grad Student

I don't know which chronicles my life more these days...

PhD Comics:


Or Garfield Minus Garfield:

My Reaction Every Weekend

See How I Live

The other day I ran out of food and was starving. I bought a plastic jug of milk at the corner convenience store so I could eat a bowl of cereal when I got home from class. The milk was in a plastic shopping bag. As I entered my kitchen to put the milk in the fridge, the bag broke. Unexpectedly, the milk container had also broken, and started leaking my precious milk all over my carpeted kitchen. Panicking, I grabbed my wok and poured the remaining milk into it while, sadly, the rest of the milk absorbed into my carpet.

So, for the past two days I have been ladeling out milk from my wok into my coffee and cereal bowl. 'Why not put the milk in a juice pitcher' you ask? Because dear reader, I (accidently) melted it. One day I will look back on my days of poverty and laugh. Right now, I need another wok for my tears.

Hire Me

Nothing much is happening right now other than applying for my first clinical placement. I have 2 interviews booked so far and received one ambiguous email regarding the possibility of a future interview...maybe...we'll see what happens with that one. Regardless, it's time to put on my big girl clothes and hope I appear competent.

My mom's advice: wear lipstick and a skirt. Apparently that's all it takes. Anyone else have interview tips?

*poof*

*poof*

I Am Incapable of Operating a Computer

If you see this pop up on your computer:



You are in for a world of pain. Don't be a dumb bitch like me and click on the link at the bottom of the pop-up and download the anti-spyware software called Perfect Defender. It's an evil trick concocted by someone who has less than a life than me that contains viruses and other bad things for your computer.

I'm going to die one day, and when I look back on my life, I will think about how I wasted several hours of it (that I never got back) trying to fix this.

* I should specify that Malware is not the evil spyware program, I'm just too lazy to take a new screen capture.
** Many thanks to G who also wasted part of his life that he will never get back helping me.

*poof*

*poof*