Death Penalty

Funny story (read: not funny in any way):

I have a Canadian and American bank account and transfer money between the two to pay bills and such. Yesterday I tried to take money out of my Canadian account using my bank card and found out that it didn't work. Turns out some asshole had stolen my card number and PIN so my bank card was deactivated (they used a card reader at an ATM). Fortunately, they didn't get any of my money (not that I had any to begin with - jokes on you crooks!). Unfortunately, this also means I have no debit card or access to my Canadian account (where all my wealth is currently located). My bank told me I'd have to fly home to Canada to get a new card, which is not feasible on multiple levels. Good thing I don't have to pay rent on May 1st - whoops!

I am very opposed to the death penalty but in this case, I am willing to make an exception. Please learn from my mistake - never use debit cards and/or travel/live in other countries. Instead, stay inside your homes under a pile of coats and be very afraid.

Access to Birth Control in Illinois Pt II

I knew this would go badly. And it did. So I went to that asian health clinic for my appointment today and was asked to fill out paperwork. The whole experience was very stressful for the following reasons:

1. They ask you to declare whether or not you have health coverage with a disclaimer that says lying is an offence. However, my deductible is $50 so I was afraid that if I admitted I had health insurance they would force me to use it rather than get a discounted fee for uninsured people. But I didn't want to get in trouble for lying so I ended up writing down my health insurance information.

2. Also, I wasn't given an opportunity to discuss the fee after I gave them my information. I had to receive the service first (talking to the doctor) and THEN discuss the fee. My anxiety kept mounting because I was afraid the proposed fee would be more than I could afford but I would be forced to pay because I had already spoken to the doctor.

Fortunately, I was only charged $15 for the visit which is far less than my other options. I specified to the doctor that I wanted a cheap pill because I couldn't afford much. She appeared to understand what I was saying and gave me my presription for three months worth of pills. I left feeling relieved. Big mistake.

When I got to the pharmacy I asked how much my prescription would be for one month. Apparently they have a deal with the clinic and all patients get 40% off their prescriptions! However, the particular pill I was given was a popular new brand and costs...wait for it...wait for it...

$69.99 PER MONTH.

In what UNIVERSE does birth control cost $70 a month (PLUS TAX)? Granted, I got a 40% discount which brought the price down considerably ($30-something dollars) but that is also outrageously expensive. So, I handed over my medical insurance card and asked what the price would be. First, I wasn't allowed to use the 40% discount in addition to my medical insurance. Second...

My prescription coverage won't pay for contraceptives.

Oh, it covers prescription medication alright. But not prescription contraception. I guess Jesus frowns on that so the insurance companies figured they better not piss him off. So apparently the doctor was either deaf when I said 'cheap' or she thinks that $70/month for the pill is reasonable.

From this little exercise in futility I have learned that if you live in Illinois and are a US citizen, getting access to birth control pills is very easy by using the pink card. However, if you are not a US citizen, access to the pill is extremely difficult and virtually unaffordable.

I Am Incapable of Operating a Computer

If you see this pop up on your computer:



You are in for a world of pain. Don't be a dumb bitch like me and click on the link at the bottom of the pop-up and download the anti-spyware software called Perfect Defender. It's an evil trick concocted by someone who has less than a life than me that contains viruses and other bad things for your computer.

I'm going to die one day, and when I look back on my life, I will think about how I wasted several hours of it (that I never got back) trying to fix this.

* I should specify that Malware is not the evil spyware program, I'm just too lazy to take a new screen capture.
** Many thanks to G who also wasted part of his life that he will never get back helping me.

Why Living In Other Countries Is Bad Part 2

January 12 2009: I finally access my email from Scotiabank about my cheque that is floating around in limbo. Would you believe that in the age of computers, internet, and after the invention of FAX and TELEGRAPH this is how banks cash international cheques:

1. American bank puts a hold on a foreign cheque for 30 days, then sends it on "collection." This is to confirm that the cheque can be cashed. In this process, the request to cash the cheque is sent VIA SNAIL MAIL to my bank in Canada.

2. The Canadian bank receives the cheque and responds "immediately" VIA SNAIL MAIL AGAIN.

3. Once the American bank receives the confirmation, the cheque is cashed.

Unfortunately, I tried to cash my cheque right before Christmas which apparently "slowed this process considerably."

You're telling me no one can pick up a bloody phone? Or scan the cheque and email the image to the Canadian bank? There is no other way to do this other than regular mail? So I'm paying bank fees all over the place and getting 19th century banking services.

According to my Canadian bank there is no estimate on when my cheque can be cashed. Because, much like determining if Creed had sex with a man, it would be impossible to tell.

*poof*

*poof*

Passport Applications

The older I get, the more I'm convinced that I suffer from Intermittent Explosive Disorder which becomes most pronounced when filling out forms. I have been trying to fill out my passport application form for weeks now and thus far I have accomplished next to nothing. My foibles include:

* leaving my passport photos in Chicago
* touching the line with my signature, thus rendering my application void
* forgetting to print in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, thus rendering my application void
* having to get my guarantor's signature twice because the first time she signed my void application

I am currently on my third set of forms. Last night I got so mad I threw the application at a wall, started yelling at my mom, and then drove to the Falls in a rage to yell at G, who kindly offered me liquor to settle me down.

Why do I bring this up? Well, recently, people have been saying I am very similar to my mom [which I don't deny] but I attribute a lot of that to her having raised me. So, I asked my mom the other day if I had inherited any traits or mannerisms from my dad. She replied instantly, "No."

To be honest, I was a bit disappointed. Until today. My mom said that after watching me freak out over this never-ending application she was reminded of my dad who apparently flew into similar rages whenever he had to fill out any forms. The reason was that he never read the instructions thoroughly before proceeding, and then inevitably made mistakes and would have to start a new form. He was prone to yelling at anyone around him and apparently threw things while having a fit. It got so bad that my mom had to fill out all forms for him because my dad got too mad, even before he even got the form in the first place.

I must admit, it gave me a laugh. Even though it's not something nice like "you're both really smart/kind/funny" it's nice to share something. So intermittent explosive disorder it is :)

OMFG

So, remember how I was in that car accident? All the damages [a totaled van] and medical bills are to be covered in full by U-Haul provided I submit all receipts and the police report that detailed the accident.

I have been trying to obtain the police report for about a month now to no avail. A few weeks ago I sent them a written request for the record and a cheque to cover the cost of the report. I've called and left messages asking them where it is, they didn't call me back.

I finally get someone on the phone today and she looked up my name and the accident report.

She said the accident under my name is listed as a hit and run that occurred on January 19, 2008.

When I corrected her with the actual details of my accident there was a pause and then she told me:

It appears that we have misplaced the accident report. I don't know where it is. All the office are now closed. I'll call you tomorrow.

*blood shooting from eyes*